Nicknames Have Limits

With a long term relationship in my rear view mirror I was wondering what the hell I was going to do with myself in this new chapter of my life. As good girlfriends do, mine rallied around me to take my mind off of things with dancing and drinks. That’s when I met Luigi. We drank a little too much, danced like crazy people and he left with my number. I was happy that it was so easy to meet someone, this dating thing wasn’t going to be hard at all! Luigi lived in a different town, about 45 minutes away, but was eager and willing to meet up. I couldn’t believe my good luck. Our first date he wanted to cook for me at his place. Of course I jumped at the idea. A man who cooks?! Yes please!

I happily made my way over to his place on the agreed upon time. I drove up to a nice house in a cute little neighborhood and rang the doorbell. I entered into a beautifully put together home, too put together. It had a woman’s touch, felt lived in and was homey. The flags started to go off as I scanned my surroundings and saw school graduation pictures of my date. Yup, you guessed it, my good luck guy lived with his parents.

Ok, not a problem. Things happen in life that could easily lead to this situation. I asked, and it was all very logical. His parents were in a bit of a financial pickle and he was living with them to help out. Luigi had a good job doing something technical and I thought it was nice he was helping his family. Good to have values and bond together when things get tough.

The menu for the night was gluten free pizza, normal enough, right? Well, the pizza came with a side of medical history of how long it took Luigi to determine he was gluten intolerant and all of his symptoms that lead him to its discovery. If it’s one thing that puts you off your dinner with someone new, it’s hearing about their terrible indigestion. Not that I don’t understand an upset stomach, I just wasn’t prepared for it on date #1. But I rolled with it.

The medical history was followed by a detailed explanation of the issues his parents had in their marriage (including how the financial trouble started) and went down the rabbit hole of other feuds in the family. I was digesting dinner and the information I was blessed with when things moved to the couch. Now, I hadn’t been physical with someone other than my ex for a while and even that seemed to have been many moons ago, so I thought, a little cuddle would be nice. We started kissing and it was good enough, and then came the words I will never forget, ‘Want to meet Little Caesar?’

I can only say I was happy to be back in my car, though the happiness was quickly replaced by the sinking feeling that this dating stuff was going to be a lot rougher than I thought…

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